I'll Love You To Infinity

So looking back, throughout the years of my life, I see that my faith was kind of like a roller coaster. It was unstable and I was foolish. As a little girl, I deeply loved God. And it was easy to love God, coming from a Christian home. But my faith was in and out and back and forth. I didn’t build my house on a solid rock, but on unsteady sand. I never believed that there was no God. However, there were times, where months long straight, I totally neglected the existence of God and decided to live life for the moment. There were times where I even hated God. I was especially lost, during my years in middle school. I was blind not to see the love that God had shown. Looking back to that, I can’t say that I had an official testimony, until I actually became a new creation in Christ. I believe that no one would ever be the same, when they’ve truly encountered God’s love. And nothing can separate them from that precious love. It was the day when I finally said to the face of sin, “Okay, that is enough. I am done with you. I’m going to start living my life differently,” and turned to Jesus Christ…for good.

It was when I was thirteen that I truly started coming closer to God. It all happened because I decided to open up my dusty bible. Who knew that there could be so much more that you could find, than what you originally intended to look for? I guess that’s just the miracles and the wonders of God. That’s what He does. He deeply moves you and touches the parts of your heart that no one else could possibly reach. I remember the transition so clearly. At thirteen, I was the naive girl, grasping every idea I could, learning day in and day out. Sure, I was a prayerful child, still loving God and appreciating what Jesus Christ did for me at the cross. From seventh grade to eighth grade, I took big steps in stopping my foul vulgar language, realizing it was wrong for me as a Christian. It took me about a year to change that. Eighth grade was probably the calm after the storm of seventh grade.

And in middle school, before I read my bible, I struggled to change for God. I knew I was totally wrong. I would have probably been the most crooked, demented, judgmental, bitter, hypocritical person you’d ever meet. Blaspheming the name of God, I posed to be such a “righteous” person, ignoring the verse of Romans 3:10. I harshly judged other people, for the sawdust in their eyes, not looking at the shameful plank of wood in my own eyes. I wasn’t humble. I wasn’t pleasing God. In seventh grade, I was hanging around the wrong crowd. Eventually, I adopted such a bad mouth. I even started having a shameful perverted mind. That was where the devil wanted me to be. You know that you’re a slave, when you don’t have self control and can’t stop your sin. I was straying too far away from God. Every prayer I prayed felt empty. I didn’t know what I was doing in my life anymore. I couldn’t even say who I was anymore, but I knew I was a monster. I wanted to change. I wanted to be set free. I wanted to clean my mouth and clean myself as a person. I was desperate. I cried out to God to help me change. And hallelujah, God did just that! I was able to move into a new town, where I had the chance to live in a new environment, and change myself.

In my church later that year, a pastor came to visit and preach. After the service, he was speaking to my parents and I hung around in the corner. He told me to come over and asked if I could recite some bible verses. Stumbled and caught by surprise, I nervously recited the only verse I knew; John 3:16. “Ah, ah, ah, you should know more verses,” he said. He continued talking to my parents and started reciting many verses from the top of his head. I was shocked. It hit me straight in the heart, realizing that I never actually did spend time with my bible. I was filled with deep conviction and guilt. Well hey, doesn’t almost every Christian know John 3:16? Even those who don’t embrace a life for God, probably know the verse. Many know of this verse, however many take the message for granted. From then on, I decided that I’d have to start spending time with my bible. I thought that as a Christian, I was obligated to know more verses. That part is true. But I had no idea what was heading my way. I didn’t know that I’d learn much more and that my faith would become stronger.

The clock struck 12. It was midnight. A new year had finally started; 2009. The cheers of many voices echo on the tv screen. The crystal ball in NYC had dropped. I’m simply just at home, not even throwing a tiny celebration with my parents. I just recently moved to a new place again. It’s the first day of January and I’m stuck in an empty bedroom, that only had a bed. My parents were busy at work. In the morning, I wondered how I’d spend the day. I looked over at my bible. I haven’t touched it since last summer. I grabbed it and remembered the promise I made in my heart. It wasn’t a promise just for me, but also to God. I wanted to do this. Out of all books, I decided to start in the gospel of Matthew. I glanced at the first chapter, feeling a little discouraged, reading the whole family line of Jesus Christ. I frowned, recalling how bored I used to feel, when I was a little girl reading the bible. I felt the natural, common feeling, that people easily feel when they first lay eyes on the bible. I felt bored, because I wasn’t filled with God’s Spirit, to give me passion and excitement. I decided to skip to the second chapter. Somewhere deep inside of me, I was told that it was worth it, so I kept going on. Matthew 4:4 caught my attention. It was my favorite verse from summer bible school. It was completely relevant to me, knowing that I needed more of God’s Word. That day on January 1, the hours quickly passed me by, but every second was worth it. As I continued on and finished the book of Matthew, I was amused, overjoyed, and thrilled. The Holy Spirit actually spoke to me and I was fed with spiritual food. It was the kind of food, that Jesus spoke of in Matthew 4:4. I was amazed and fascinated by the words of Jesus Christ. Every one of His parables and teachings put me in awe.

Knowing the Word of God changed the way I looked at life and the world. I was actually happy to come to school. Every morning, I actually had a smile on my face. All my pessimism turned around. I began seeing all the blessings in life, that I didn’t see standing in front of me before. Daily life became significantly happier. Any problems that I had to face, became easier to fight. I fell in more love with Jesus Christ. My mind was revolutionized, and I saw a greater picture of eternity. Sin and the devil had nothing on me anymore. I was no longer deprived, but set free. I realized all of the reasons, why I had to praise my God. I saw my God as greater and more glorious than ever before. Everything made sense. There was not a doubt lingering in my mind. And the mess I used to be, was long gone.

It’s not merely acknowledging Jesus Christ, that you change. It’s not simply the sinner’s prayer that sets you free. There’s more to it. It’s fully letting go and letting God just take control. And you wouldn’t hang on to your old ways anymore. You lose your life for Jesus Christ to save it. You must believe, put all your heart and faith into it, and never doubt. Anyone in Christ is a new creation. When you follow God, there is a change in you. Sure, it can be a struggle to change. I didn’t change overnight. It does take time, but God will help you if you ask Him. I remember the times, when I would lose all sane, breakdown, and cry like a baby. They weren’t tears of pain, but of joy. I cried because of the unconditional love of God.

And hallelujah, I’m so glad God brought a change in me! It’s true that the blood of Jesus Christ removes our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. There will no longer be shame or condemnation. His blood washes us clean. As sinful and dirty as we are, it is possible for the righteousness of God to make us clean, pure, and innocent. People who see me today, probably could not guess what I used to be. That’s just how awesome God is. If you’re ever in a mess, give it to God! Run to God. Don’t let the devil pound on you. That devil won’t have power over you, if you have the spirit of God. Take a hold of eternal life. There’s a loving God who’s standing in front of you, with open arms. Don’t say ‘no’ to what can set you free. And looking back at my past, it puts me in tears to see God put up with a mess like me. Not only did He stand by me, but He surrounded me with love, assuring never ending hope. He changed me. Change is actually a great thing, especially when everything in your life was once calamity, turmoil, and choas. There are things that are impossible with man, but possible with God.

So, this is my testimony. I know, in everything that happened, God was working and preparing me for His beautiful plan. He brought me here today, and I will not stop walking down His path. The beautiful change in my life is unforgettable, and so are the many testimonies of God’s children. The greatest testimony of all is at the cross with Jesus Christ.

1 John 5:9 “We accept man’s testimony, but God’s testimony is greater because it is the testimony of God, which He has given about His Son.” 

Galatians 5:24-25 “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

Ephesians 4:21-24 “Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”